Thursday, March 10, 2011

angels and demons

Halo world.Halo people.Had been watching a movie name "Trade" just now. Stopped when the movie was not even..erm..halfway.It kind of successfully scares me to the very deep of myself. It is not like other horror scary movies that have bloody scenes or terrifying sound effects which is disturbing, but its plot makes me upset.Really upset.:( Seriously I am still in the constant state of bewilderment, in a few things.Deep thoughts are constantly stacked up and planted inside me more than ever makes me couldnt bear continuing watching the movie.I am not that tough, huh? Hmn..I knew I should not let anything so insignificant tearing me apart and make fun of me so easily but I kind of fail myself when I watch something like this.I am a girl after all, and these sensitive issues kind of hit me so hard on my face.I smelt fear in myself as if I was IN there.I have no idea how to tell you in words but its like this.I felt what she felt in there inside the movie as if thats me.Ugh Spit you.I wish I could build bricks inside me, getting in the way of the evil fear that approach me so effortlessly.Smack you in the face.Chiu.Deal with it.Thats my life.Erm..Am I talking to myself? Hmn..should I go for the job?I seriously have no idea.To who should I approach to help me calculate the possibilities me finishing it save and sound?lol

Few days ago I tried to pour my heart out to people I cared but I end up dumb, really dumb.Helpless is the magic word.Words that I blurted out so awkwardly suddenly struck myself so hard that for the very first time, I found something I did not know previously, about myself. Erm yay journey discovering myself.Ugh.Since long long time ago, when i try to reminisce, I thought that I was that kind of people who could blurt out spit out everything deep inside me to everyone that I trusted and I cared.But deep inside there is this one very tiny voice, buried with deep thoughts that I seriously thought I used to untie them when they are not even loosen even an inch away from myself.I have used to talk to myself, in myself, and so frequently it makes me really believe that it has already being released, out there. They are so safely sealed until someone try to peel those layers which has been securing those deep thoughts for like hundreds of years.If people has two layers inside them, I think I have three. Or everyone of us actually has three?The deepest part of myself freaks me out. Those things I haven been disclosing till now has only reached the second layer.And when I tried to reach the third phase, I just feel that, that isnt me.Nope.Thats not really the me that I used to it at all.The outest layer has so much difference with the deepest layer.It's like some freaks grounded inside me that literally breathes in a different pace with mine.Ah.Nah Screw it.Everyone has its angels and demons inside themselves, and as long as I could manage them in a way that it would not hurt and burden anyone I cared, turning them towards myself isnt the baddest way after all.Haha.I am really good in avoiding and forgetting I kid you not.Nothing could literally hit me that bad any more.

Tadaaa~The plot of this movie:

"Adriana is a 13-year-old girl from Mexico City whose kidnapping by sex traffickers sets in motion a desperate mission by her 17-year-old brother, Jorge, to save her. Trapped and terrified by an underground network of international thugs who earn millions exploiting their human cargo, Adriana's only friend and protector throughout her ordeal is Veronica, a young Polish woman tricked into the trade by the same criminal gang. As Jorge dodges immigration officers and incredible obstacles to track the girls' abductors, he meets Ray, a Texas cop whose own family loss to sex trafficking leads him to become an ally in the boy's quest. Fighting with courage and hard-tested faith, the characters of Trade negotiate their way through the unspeakable terrain of the sex trade "tunnels" between Mexico and the United States. From the barrios of Mexico City and the treacherous Rio Grande border, to a secret Internet sex slave auction and the final climactic confrontation at a stash house in suburban New Jersey, Ray and Jorge forge a close bond as they give desperate chase to Adriana's kidnappers before she is sold and disappears forever into this brutal global underworld, a place from which few victims ever return."
Okies..Should I continuing watching this or not?Hmnn..Pray harder that classes start sooner so that I would not waste my time on these. Occupying myself by reading and reading helps me shoving away my boredom. By the way, I was reading "Blindness" recently.Yay.Another disturbing one.The storyline was like people in there got blind one by one so suddenly and seriously, while I was reading I keep blinking my eye, due to my super great imagination I possess and magnified mental reaction I keep imagining things.You know Those people got blind suddenly in front of the traffic lights, when they are walking halfway omg, while they were doing things you know..luckily none of them got blind while reading.duh.dude.i had lost my mind.loll okies.lets stop this insanity of mine and i dont think anyone would ever have so much patience reading this crap till now and tadaaa bye.

Noo..wait..I wana post some vain pictures of me in case I forget it is kept rotten underneath my stack of photo collection.Nolah I not vain at all one.erm ok a little bit?Nah.Where got? Ermm..okies..I will just shut my mouth up nao.I mean stop here we go again XP

Big loose tops make me feel secured.

Happy birthday ah bobo :) although u will never see this.bluek

tomorrow will be a brand new day.xoxo i miss you :)


Angie Teh said...

i wanna watch oso>< is it tat horrifying.....

XCB said...

eh how to change ur font i also want to change. where did u watch the movie one? i also want to watch. why u so emo one nowsdays? I want to know leh. ur big loose top like my mother's one leh but good the good thing is it looks good on u la. eh when want to go out oo? i tot u want to ask me out wan

cecilia said...

helo! i like ur red blouse!! :D